Enjoy the following guest post on helping your kids cope with divorce.
Ashley Taylor is a freelance writer, photographer, and advocate for people with disabilities. She created DisabledParents.org to provide information and resources to other parents with disabilities. When she isn’t working, she enjoys spending time with her husband and two children.
Ashley Taylor is a freelance writer, photographer, and advocate for people with disabilities. She created DisabledParents.org to provide information and resources to other parents with disabilities. When she isn’t working, she enjoys spending time with her husband and two children.
It goes without saying that divorce can have a significant and lasting impact on children. Helping a child cope with the experience of one of their parents moving out, who won’t be there daily or be involved as much as they used to be, is traumatic. But there are ways you can work to maintain a quality of life and to strengthen the bonds with the child. Love After Kids explains how.
Getting along with your ex
There are a lot of emotions after a divorce. There are feelings of rage, anger, resentment, or regret. You do have a right to be angry. However, being business-like about the separation can help things go more smoothly. Taking the focus off of you and your ex allows you to rely on the big picture and focus on what’s most important: Your kids. Even when you don’t get along, proving to your children that you still respect the other parent will help their emotional well-being.
Celebrating in the midst of turmoil
The agony of divorce can leave you feeling sad and deflated, but celebrations can help take your mind off of what’s going on, at least for the moment. While birthdays and holidays are going to feel strange for a while because of the duplicate birthday parties and Christmases, getting into the spirit of celebration with your children will not only have a therapeutic effect for everyone but establishing a social foundation for your kids may help them succeed in life.
Make new routines
Children need routine. After a divorce, their usual routines have been greatly disrupted. A consistent schedule feels familiar and helps children feel secure. They develop positive habits and are less stressed. Since so much has changed, it’s a good time to introduce new activities together.
In the spring go to a garden center and pick out plants together to make a new garden bed. Subscribe to a meal kit delivery service and start cooking meals together. Pick up a new hobby you can enjoy together. In doing so, you are having new experiences and teaching your child life skills. The best way to work on relationships is to work on oneself, and if they’ve got any misplaced guilt about the divorce, getting them to feel good about themselves can help them get over the negative feelings faster.
In the spring go to a garden center and pick out plants together to make a new garden bed. Subscribe to a meal kit delivery service and start cooking meals together. Pick up a new hobby you can enjoy together. In doing so, you are having new experiences and teaching your child life skills. The best way to work on relationships is to work on oneself, and if they’ve got any misplaced guilt about the divorce, getting them to feel good about themselves can help them get over the negative feelings faster.
Create a comfortable home
With so many changes, simple choices like ensuring your children have a space to call their own is a must. This means finding a place that not only fits your budget, but that also fits your family’s needs in this current situation. Buying a new home may not be in the cards just yet, and many people choose to rent for a while after a divorce.
When looking for a place to rent in Austin, enlist the help of your children, even though you’ll make the final decision. Having input can make them feel more involved and can bolster their feelings of acceptance with this living arrangement. Use online directories together to find an affordable place. You can start by filtering for wants first, and then winnow your choices down based on needs.
When looking for a place to rent in Austin, enlist the help of your children, even though you’ll make the final decision. Having input can make them feel more involved and can bolster their feelings of acceptance with this living arrangement. Use online directories together to find an affordable place. You can start by filtering for wants first, and then winnow your choices down based on needs.
Connect with a support system
As your children navigate their new lives after the divorce, they may display signs of rage, embarrassment, remorse, or even indignation. These feelings are all normal as children develop coping mechanisms. Make a point to watch for signs of stress in your child, such as acting younger than their age, sleeping or eating problems, or displaying irrational fears, which may require professional intervention.
Therapy can also prove to be beneficial for you and your ex, providing a platform to air grievances, facilitate cooperation, and inspire reconciliation in some cases. Since your children are the most critical factor to consider during and after a divorce, counseling may mean the difference between a life full of conflict or a productive future.
Divorce is stressful, and it’s likely your children will feel anxiety as everyone adjusts. But there are plenty of ways you can help them feel at ease, especially if you make a point to focus on them. Reinforce the old routines that still make sense to keep and create new routines. Be respectful of your ex and keep lines of communication open. Celebrate each other whenever you can and applaud the independence and maturity of your children as they grow into who they really are.
Therapy can also prove to be beneficial for you and your ex, providing a platform to air grievances, facilitate cooperation, and inspire reconciliation in some cases. Since your children are the most critical factor to consider during and after a divorce, counseling may mean the difference between a life full of conflict or a productive future.
Divorce is stressful, and it’s likely your children will feel anxiety as everyone adjusts. But there are plenty of ways you can help them feel at ease, especially if you make a point to focus on them. Reinforce the old routines that still make sense to keep and create new routines. Be respectful of your ex and keep lines of communication open. Celebrate each other whenever you can and applaud the independence and maturity of your children as they grow into who they really are.
If you haven’t already read the book, it’s a great place to start - Relationship Reboot: Break free from the bad habits in your relationship.
David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 16-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter and 9-year-old toy poodle.
David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 16-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter and 9-year-old toy poodle.
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