Please enjoy the following guest post by Julia Merrill about sex after having a a new baby and how taking a trip can help to rekindle the flame.
Julia Merrill is on a mission. She wants to use information to close the gap between medical providers and their patients. She started BefriendYourDoc.org to do just that.
Julia Merrill is on a mission. She wants to use information to close the gap between medical providers and their patients. She started BefriendYourDoc.org to do just that.
Becoming a parent is an exciting time, but it also poses challenges. As you and your partner focus more on the new member of your family, you may make less time for one another. This, coupled with the lack of sleep that comes with having a newborn, can leave the romance in your relationship falling flat.
A lack of intimacy is common after having a baby. However, taking a trip together is a wonderful way to recharge your batteries and get your spark back. Read on to find out how to create the perfect holiday to regain your sexual confidence as a couple.
A lack of intimacy is common after having a baby. However, taking a trip together is a wonderful way to recharge your batteries and get your spark back. Read on to find out how to create the perfect holiday to regain your sexual confidence as a couple.
Choose a romantic but affordable destination
As new parents, you’re likely in a cash-conscious phase, thinking about everything from buying diapers to paying for a college education. Luckily, there are plenty of romantic yet affordable vacation spots. This list from VacationIdea offers some tantalizing options, such as an eco-resort in the Virgin Islands and the romance package at the Carolina Inn in Chapel Hill.
When booking your room, keep an eye out for extras that might add some sizzle to your weekend. A Jacuzzi tub or fireplace can set the mood, for example. You can ask the property to prepare a sweet treat, for instance by having flowers or a bottle of champagne waiting for you in the room upon arrival. There are also items you can bring yourself to save money and enhance the ambience of a room, such as candles and travel-sized speakers to play soothing tunes.
When booking your room, keep an eye out for extras that might add some sizzle to your weekend. A Jacuzzi tub or fireplace can set the mood, for example. You can ask the property to prepare a sweet treat, for instance by having flowers or a bottle of champagne waiting for you in the room upon arrival. There are also items you can bring yourself to save money and enhance the ambience of a room, such as candles and travel-sized speakers to play soothing tunes.
Prepare your baby's caregiver
Since this vacation should be about just you and your partner, you’ll need to find a babysitter. Grandparents are often happy to spend quality time with the child. Or, consider asking other family members or a close friend if they’d be willing to step in. Finally, you can always hire a professional sitter who charges within your budget. Whoever you choose, make sure it’s someone you trust, or you’ll never be able to actually relax while you’re away.
Leaving your little one behind overnight for the first time is difficult. Make it easier on yourself by preparing the caregiver as much as possible: Leave written instructions regarding your baby’s eating and sleeping schedule, along with all the supplies they’ll need. National Geographic offers additional tips, like limiting your check-in calls to just once per day, in the mornings, and bringing a reminder of your baby (like a photograph) to ease separation anxiety.
Leaving your little one behind overnight for the first time is difficult. Make it easier on yourself by preparing the caregiver as much as possible: Leave written instructions regarding your baby’s eating and sleeping schedule, along with all the supplies they’ll need. National Geographic offers additional tips, like limiting your check-in calls to just once per day, in the mornings, and bringing a reminder of your baby (like a photograph) to ease separation anxiety.
Communicate openly and honestly
Every couple’s timeline for regaining sexual intimacy after a baby is different. According to Kindred Bravely, many healthcare providers recommend waiting six weeks after childbirth to have sex after your baby arrives. That said, being physically ready doesn’t mean you are necessarily mentally ready. Don’t push yourself beyond your comfort zone; whatever emotions you may be feeling—for example, you’re wondering whether sex will feel the same way it did before having your baby, you’re worried that it will be painful, or that you’ll be just too tired for sex —it’s important to share them.
It’s completely normal to be worried about physical intimacy after you’ve had a baby. In fact, one survey of new moms found that 61 percent were “afraid or nervous” regarding their first postpartum sexual encounter. Being honest with your partner about your fears ensures they will take the steps necessary to make you feel comfortable. Communicating during sex is also important: If something feels good or something else is uncomfortable, don’t be shy about sharing!
It’s completely normal to be worried about physical intimacy after you’ve had a baby. In fact, one survey of new moms found that 61 percent were “afraid or nervous” regarding their first postpartum sexual encounter. Being honest with your partner about your fears ensures they will take the steps necessary to make you feel comfortable. Communicating during sex is also important: If something feels good or something else is uncomfortable, don’t be shy about sharing!
Be patient with yourself
Above all, remember to have patience with yourself and your partner. If you aren’t ready for sexual intercourse, you can still take advantage of your holiday getaway to explore other types of intimacy. Take turns giving and receiving massages, or simply spend some time cuddling. Research has shown that even non-sexual touch has a huge impact on couples and their relationships. By following the tips above, you will in any case be able to enjoy a stress-free and budget-friendly getaway and take valuable steps towards recapturing your romance.
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If you haven’t already read the book, it’s a great place to start - Relationship Reboot: Break free from the bad habits in your relationship.
David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 14-year-old son, 5-year-old daughter and 7-year-old toy poodle.
If you haven’t already read the book, it’s a great place to start - Relationship Reboot: Break free from the bad habits in your relationship.
David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 14-year-old son, 5-year-old daughter and 7-year-old toy poodle.
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