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The Breaking Bad Habits in Relationships Series - (PART 1)

5/30/2017

 
THE INTROVERT-EXTROVERT DYNAMIC: YOU SAY GOODBYE AND I SAY HELLO
Welcome to the first part of a series about breaking bad habits in relationships. This week’s topic is close to my heart. I am an introvert. I hate small talk and I find socializing to be tiring and draining of my energy. I recharge when I am alone or with my family.
 
I married an extrovert. The nature of Deb’s extroversion has evolved over time. When I met her, I expressed my concern that I felt I was going to need to make appointments just to see her. I told her she needed to “trim the fat” and stop wasting time with relationships that didn’t feed her.  
 
Introverts are often judged as being aloof, or just not very nice. I’m sure there are some that would fall into that category, but it is an unfair generalization. Being drained by socializing does not equal not liking people.  

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Fighting Happens: 10 tips on transitioning from conflict to resolution

5/23/2017

 
Fighting sucks, but...
Fighting sucks. Most would probably agree.  ​

One of the worst things about being in the middle of a fight with your partner is how it can feel like there’s no way out. 

No matter how many times you have been through it before, that feeling of hopelessness and doom and gloom can always manage to finagle it’s way back in there.

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The Art Of Praise: How To Support And Validate Your Kids

5/12/2017

 
Praise is not a 4-letter word
It’s so hard for me to say that I feel proud of myself. The closest I have come is how I feel as a father and a husband. I am always quick to find something wrong though.
 
When I talk about pride, I mean feeling good about something, acknowledging and validating my efforts and pausing and taking a step back to cheer myself on. I have no problem doing this for my kids, or for the people I work with, or for anyone else, for that matter.
 
I think a big part of my resistance is that it started way back when as a protective mechanism. If I didn’t show others that I felt good about something, I wasn’t subjecting myself to criticism and rejection. It is something that I learned as a child and have continued to practice until today.
 
One thing that I have learned as a parent regarding praise is to focus on the process and not the outcome. Here’s an example of something that just happened this morning with my son, Eric.

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Living, Relating & Parenting With Chronic Illness: There's Nothing Worse Than The Shame Of It

5/8/2017

 
There's nothing worse than the shame of it
​I’m a clinical psychologist and couple’s therapist. My site, Love After Kids, helps couples reconnect and strengthen their relationships while raising children. My regular articles and posts are naturally related to relationships and parenting, but every now and then I write about another topic close to my heart, living, relating and parenting with a chronic illness.
 
I have a type of muscular dystrophy called FacioScapuloHumeral Muscular Dystrophy (FSHD). It’s a dominant degenerative genetic disorder that leads to progressive skeletal muscle loss over time. Currently, there is no treatment or cure. Although they are working on it, the pathogenesis of FSHD is quite complex.
 
I knew about my diagnosis from before I can remember. One of my earliest memories is of being in my pediatrician’s office and the doctor having me squat and walk, testing how I was impacted at that point in time. I knew something was different. I knew even then that I was not “normal”.

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Helping Our Kids To Digest Their Feelings: Creative Ways To Hold Their Difficult Emotions

5/1/2017

 
My three-year-old, Emma, can be pretty explosive lately
Emma, as the dragon grows
My three-year-old, Emma, has been pretty explosive of late. You never know what you're going to get when you open her door. 

Sometimes she hides under her blanket and waits for me to pretend I cannot see her, so I ask where she is. 

Sometimes she calls me in and asks me to read her a book.

Sometimes she engages me in an imaginary role-play where I'm Jackie Paper and she is Puff the Magic Dragon.

Sometimes, well, she really can be a dragon, and when I open the door, she'll breathe fire at me and tell me to get out in the most convincing Poltergeist voice a three-year-old can muster. 

When this happens, she is often dysregulated, having a combination of feelings and bodily sensations that she doesn't know what to do with. It gets vomited out and is as unpleasant for me as it must be for her. 

One thing that gets to her is when she feels imposed upon, i.e. trying to take her out of her bed when she isn't ready, or, opening the curtains when she wants them closed.

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