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Pressing pause when things heat up

1/29/2018

 
Pressing pause when things heat up
I had a session with a couple today that have been working hard to address their issues amidst a slew of demands including an international move, changing jobs, graduate school, kids, and their own relationship issues.

At one point in the session I stopped them and said something along the lines of how easy it is for me to sit where I am sitting and to see things clearly, and that if I were in their shoes I'd be getting into fights with my wife too.

Pressing Pause when things heat up

One thing that we have worked on incorporating is a system for them to press pause when either or both feel that they are ramping up too quickly during a discussion.

​We agreed that when this happens that they will try to use a code word or phrase that means that they need to take a break. We also agreed that they will reconvene within 24 hours no matter what, even if they need more time to process.

This is really hard to do when one or both members of the couple are feeling triggered. In a recent instance, she needed a break and he wanted to keep going, so he was frustrated when they took a pause, but they did reconvene within the hour and worked through it.

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Kids EXPLORING their bodies means parents must deal with their own issues

1/24/2018

 
When we see our kids exploring their bodies, it often makes us as parents uncomfortable. It's up to us to help our kids understand the idea of privacy and private parts without shaming them.
There's nothing quite like children playing with themselves to throw parents off their game. First of all, little kids don't care where they are or who they're with. It's all fair game. The apple hasn't been plucked from the tree yet. It feels good, so they do it. Makes sense.

Privacy and private parts

It's up to us to help them understand the idea of privacy and private parts without shaming them. Ever heard a parent tell their son to stop playing with it or it'll fall off? I have. That's pretty messed up. If they are naive enough to fiddle on the front lines, they are naive enough to believe that it is possible that their penises will fall off if they keep playing with them.

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Entertain and Educate: Finding Online Activities for Your Kids

1/9/2018

 
finding online activities for your kids
The following is a guest post from Daniel Sherwin. Daniel is a single dad to a daughter (9) and son (6). His site, DadSolo.com, provides resources and information for single dads. ​This post is about smart and healthy uses of online activities when it's too cold to play outside.

Winter has officially set in, bringing with it many long cold and frozen afternoons and weekends that keep your children from enjoying their usual outdoor fun. If you’re a single parent, you know how important it is to find activities that will keep kids engaged and their minds off the fact that it’s too cold to play outside. There’s a lot at stake for you, too. If your children are likely to fight when they’re cooped up indoors, your blood pressure and stress level will surely hit the roof.

You can always default to a gaming system and let your kids while away the hours blowing things up and shooting at alien space monsters. Or you could find healthier, more wholesome and rewarding activities that they’ll enjoy and maybe even learn from at the same time. If you’ll take some time to look around the Internet, you can find some worthwhile games, videos and online lessons that just might lead to a new hobby, or even a lifelong passion.

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