Filling your partner's cup, listening and understanding when they need it the most, is an art. When an empty cup equals a bad mood, it can be quite complicated. This morning, Deb was feeling depleted and in a bad mood. She has had even less time than she usually has for herself. She was also feeling frustrated with her website and not having the time to work on it. We are going to New York this weekend and she said she didn't want to go.
I watched a short documentary on Netflix a few days ago about Ram Dass called Going Home. He calls suffering the “sandpaper from the spiritual point of view that is awakening people” and encourages people to make friends with change.
I am trying to make friends with change. It has been two months since my mother died. There’s a hole in my heart that I cannot fill with tears, religion, or tequila. Her death has introduced me to grief the likes of which I have never experienced. Her absence follows me like a tail. Life just feels different now. No matter what I do, I cannot go back to the way things were.
The process of change
The process of change fascinates me. A big part of my job as a therapist, after all, is to help people to change and grow. What I am most obsessed with these days, as regular readers of my blog know, is the idea that change is an inside-out process. The environment in which we live can be so overwhelming that it is easy to forget this. We end up scurrying here and there in reaction to different demands that intention and self-determination get sacrificed.
Every experience we have has a narrative attached to it, often with negative beliefs. We accumulate experiences on a daily basis. We, in turn, accumulate reactions to our experiences. Our reactions can be sub-divided into thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behaviors, and beliefs.