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Shake Things Up

7/27/2017

Here's a simple relationship challenge for you. No matter how pressed you are for time, you can do it.

I want you to choose just one little thing that you can do differently for a week. Here are some examples:

Sleep on a different side of the bed.
Sit in a different chair at the table when you eat.
If you normally watch TV at night, read a book.
If you normally drink at night, don't drink.
Change the time you go to bed.

You get the picture. Choose one of these examples or come up with one of your own.

The Breaking Bad Habits in Relationships Series - (Part 7)

7/18/2017

The problem with problem-solving in relationships

Kay: I had a crappy day at work today.
Joe: What happened?
Kay: Jen keeps making me feel like I’m not doing a good job, like I can never get it right.
Joe: What’s up with that?
Kay: Don’t know.
Joe: Why don’t you talk to her?
Kay: Hmm.
Joe: What’s that supposed to mean, hmm?
Kay: It’s just…that’s not why I’m telling you about it. I mean, I’m not asking you to fix it.
Joe: I’m not trying to. All I said is why don’t you talk to her.
Kay: Yeah, but, this is what always happens. I just wanted to tell you about it is all.
Joe: Yeah, it does always happen. No matter what I say, it’s never the right thing.
Kay: Can I just tell you something once without you trying to fix it?
Joe: Why don’t you tell me exactly what you want me to say next time so I can parrot it back to you?
Kay: You just don’t get it.
Joe: Clearly.
Kay: Forget it.
Joe: Fine.

In every relationship, there’s usually at least one problem-solver.

It’s natural for the problem-solver to jump to find solutions and fix things when a problem is presented. It’s not natural for the problem-solver to sit back, listen and empathize without jumping into action.

The Breaking Bad Habits In Relationships Series - (Part 6)

7/9/2017

I had a session with a couple last week where we were able to dive deep into their dynamics using recent examples of conflicts and real-time examples that came up during our session.

Jenny* started off the session reflecting on a routine interaction that she and her husband Bill had the week before. She became aware during their interaction that she was acting in a contemptuous way and that it wasn’t fair. She explained the roles that they both played in this habitual dynamic and how she was able to own her aggression and frustration and apologize to him for how she reacted.

This is the kind of thing that makes a therapist giddy. I applauded her and validated how difficult it can be to take a step back and observe one’s own reactions and then to apologize for them.

The Breaking Bad Habits In Relationships Series - (Part 5)

7/6/2017

When you work, and have kids, the days can go by so quickly. It is easy to get caught up in acting and reacting, losing sight of the bigger picture.

The bigger picture is what lies outside of the immediate demands. The bigger picture is about your intentions versus your reactions.

One of the first things that tends to get lost in the shuffle when things get busy is making the time to connect with your partner.

Shake Things Up

The Breaking Bad Habits in Relationships Series - (Part 7)

The Breaking Bad Habits In Relationships Series - (Part 6)

The Breaking Bad Habits In Relationships Series - (Part 5)

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