Please enjoy the following guest post with tips for single fathers.
Jennifer Scott is a single mom who writes about the ups and downs of her mental illness on SpiritFinder.org. The blog serves as both a source of information for people with mental illness and a forum where those living with anxiety and depression can come together to discuss their experiences. Based in Philadelphia, she enjoys traveling, working with animals, and seeking out new friendships and adventures.
Men and women often emerge from divorce or separation with deep emotional scars and a lack of direction. Where will they live? Who can they turn to for support? How will they maintain financial stability? It’s a frightening, anxious time. For those who have children, it’s often a desperate situation, particularly when financial resources are strained. It’s not unusual for single fathers, whom family court judges are more likely to rule against, to face hardship as they try to care for traumatized children who may not fully understand what’s just happened to their family. Other family problems, such as substance abuse and childhood anxiety, may be exacerbated by a situation that requires stability, not chaos and uncertainty.
Jennifer Scott is a single mom who writes about the ups and downs of her mental illness on SpiritFinder.org. The blog serves as both a source of information for people with mental illness and a forum where those living with anxiety and depression can come together to discuss their experiences. Based in Philadelphia, she enjoys traveling, working with animals, and seeking out new friendships and adventures.
Men and women often emerge from divorce or separation with deep emotional scars and a lack of direction. Where will they live? Who can they turn to for support? How will they maintain financial stability? It’s a frightening, anxious time. For those who have children, it’s often a desperate situation, particularly when financial resources are strained. It’s not unusual for single fathers, whom family court judges are more likely to rule against, to face hardship as they try to care for traumatized children who may not fully understand what’s just happened to their family. Other family problems, such as substance abuse and childhood anxiety, may be exacerbated by a situation that requires stability, not chaos and uncertainty.
Single dads face other challenges. Today, more men are given custody of their kids, but the traditional bias against single fathers, rooted in the belief that men are emotionally incapable of nurturing children, can complicate things and make it hard to find the kind of support necessary to help their children adjust to a new life. Adapting to a new family reality, one without mom, is difficult for everyone concerned, but these tips brought to you by Love After Kids can help.
Going it alone
The toughest adjustment is getting used to parenting your kids without the presence, support and advice of a spouse. One day you’re co-parenting, the next you’re trying to figure out how to make it work amid work responsibilities and the daily demands of running a happy and healthy home environment. Don’t be shy about asking someone close to you for help, perhaps a friend or family member, preferably someone who’s close to your kids. Help can take many forms, from periodic babysitting and transportation to active mentoring and participation in the raising of your children. No matter how they’re able and willing to help, there’s value in having a trusted and reliable adult around who can spend time with your kids.
If you’re having trouble making ends meet and your income could use a boost, you could start your own business. You can choose what you do, when you do it, and even what you charge. Whether it’s refinishing furniture, coding, or bookkeeping, there are many possibilities.
The “official” side of setting up your own business can be the daunting part, but it’s easy if you go through an online service. They can walk you through all the tough stuff, and it’s an affordable and easy solution for registering your business.
If you’re having trouble making ends meet and your income could use a boost, you could start your own business. You can choose what you do, when you do it, and even what you charge. Whether it’s refinishing furniture, coding, or bookkeeping, there are many possibilities.
The “official” side of setting up your own business can be the daunting part, but it’s easy if you go through an online service. They can walk you through all the tough stuff, and it’s an affordable and easy solution for registering your business.
Bad feelings
Let’s face it: It can be very hard to avoid expressing bitterness toward your ex-wife after a divorce. It’s a natural, human response but one you need to keep under control in the presence of your kids. Trashing their mom can only do damage, especially if your children are young and don’t understand your hostility. Things are sensitive enough; there’s nothing to be gained from frightening children who need to feel your love and support, not your rage. It’s also important to show kids that it’s important not to give in to bitterness and anger, but to try and forgive and make the best of a difficult situation.
Disengagement
Part of adjusting to single fatherhood means finding time to be with your children, even if it’s just throwing the ball around for a few minutes or running errands together on Saturday. If your kids are older, this could mean driving them around so they can spend time with friends. Single fathers who aren’t used to spending as much quality time with their children (sometimes mom is the default companion) are at a disadvantage and need to find ways to bridge the gap. Remember that babies and toddlers especially need your attention. Try spending time with them before bedtime, perhaps take a brief walk after they’re gotten ready for bed if the weather’s nice. And don’t forget that you can’t be an effective parent if you don’t take care of yourself.
Going it alone as a parent can be a difficult adjustment, ask for help from friends or family during this time. Take the high road and keep your personal feelings toward your ex-wife to yourself when you’re around your kids. Most importantly, be there for your children because this is an adjustment for them as it is for you.
Going it alone as a parent can be a difficult adjustment, ask for help from friends or family during this time. Take the high road and keep your personal feelings toward your ex-wife to yourself when you’re around your kids. Most importantly, be there for your children because this is an adjustment for them as it is for you.
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If you haven’t already read the book, it’s a great place to start - Relationship Reboot: Break free from the bad habits in your relationship.
David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 16-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter and 8-year-old toy poodle.
If you haven’t already read the book, it’s a great place to start - Relationship Reboot: Break free from the bad habits in your relationship.
David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 16-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter and 8-year-old toy poodle.
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