I am trying to make friends with change. It has been two months since my mother died. There’s a hole in my heart that I cannot fill with tears, religion, or tequila. Her death has introduced me to grief the likes of which I have never experienced. Her absence follows me like a tail. Life just feels different now. No matter what I do, I cannot go back to the way things were.
I am trying to make friends with change, to somehow embrace the emptiness, the vacuum left by her absence. I never realized how much knowing she was somewhere on this earth with me mattered so damn much. We didn’t talk every day or see each other every week. For the last few years, we lived in different states. It’s not the regularity that I miss. Gandhi said: “You don’t know who is important to you until you actually lose them.” Even though I knew how important she was to me when she was alive, her absence confirms this.
I am trying to make friends with change. April 15th would have been my parent’s 45th wedding anniversary. My dad spent the day alone.
I am trying to make friends with change. I’m not staying in bed or pressing pause on life. I’m working, meditating, spending time with my kids, making plans.
I am trying to make friends with change, but my mom is gone and she’s not coming back.
I am trying to make friends with change. I’m just not sure if change wants to be friends with me.
If you haven’t already read the book, it’s a great place to start - Relationship Reboot: Break free from the bad habits in your relationship.
David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 13-year-old son, 4-year-old daughter and 6-year-old toy poodle.