The teacher posted some photos realtime on their Facebook page. She looked kind of sad. In one picture she was snuggling with one of the teachers. In another, she was playing a game by herself.
The rational part of me knows she will have to deal with all sorts of kids. Some will push her and take things from her and make her cry.
The rational part of me knows that I cannot be there to translate to the teacher if she is saying something in Spanish.
The rational part of me knows this is good for her. I cannot have her live under my wing her whole life. It's not possible to protect her from everything, nor would would it benefit her even if I could.
What will her teacher do if she doesn't understand her?
How will it be when she goes to the bathroom in her pull-up and has to be changed by a virtual stranger?
She was in great spirits at lunch and waited patiently for her ice cream. We laughed a lot and I held her hand gently while she ate. I cried and dried my eyes, because tears at that point would've been confusing to her. Deb said she could see the rivers of love pouring from my eyes.
My heart aches with love right now. The powerlessness of being a parent feels so palpable. But I'm also proud of Emma and incredibly excited for her to continue to explore, discover, make friends and grow.
I am also very clear that i want to empower my daughter to be strong, fierce, loving, sensitive, creative, opinionated, challenging, independent and vulnerable. The same things I want for my son.
I want my love to empower her and not to hold her back. I know that means that I have to try to harness something that at times feels so immense and powerful that it would snap the thickest of chains, but I've gotta try.