Ways to keep the romance alive

Please enjoy the following guest post by Stephanie James on ways to keep the romance alive after having kids.

Stephanie is a freelance writer from Raleigh, North Carolina.

When you think about the beginning of your relationship, what comes to mind? For many, they remember date nights, butterflies in their stomachs, and romance. As relationships grow and change, however, that attention to romance begins to fade. It’s a natural process, especially once children arrive and much of the day is spent attending to their needs. With that said, it’s important to note that romance after parenthood is not a myth! There are a number of ways you can help keep your romantic relationship alive while you raise your children.

Make your personal relationship a priority

​Once children come into the picture, many couples understandably focus the bulk of their attention towards raising them. That means that their interactions as parents begin to outshine their interactions as a couple. That doesn’t have to be the case. While it’s important to parent well, there’s no reason you can’t make your personal relationship with your significant other a priority too. You might be surprised at how much a shift in perspective can help. Even dedicating a few minutes in the morning when you’re getting ready for work, or before bed, to interact as a couple can help boost the romance quite a bit.

Commit to dates

Pick one day a week or every few weeks and designate that as date night. It’s now an important priority in your lives. Even during stressful times or nights when it might not be the most convenient, you have a consistent, scheduled date that you don’t cancel for anything less than emergencies. The emphasis on maintaining the date, and holding each other accountable to avoid rescheduling is necessary here, because it can be all-too-easy to think that it’s best to just cancel the date for almost any inconvenience that comes up. Also switch it up! Try alternating between movie nights, nice dinners, or a walk to the nearest ice cream shop – keep it fun, and something to look forward to. Date subscription boxes make it really easy to make date nights new and exciting each month.

Keep your sex life alive

It might seem a bit difficult to find time to be intimate once children have arrived, but there is usually some time you can spare. Some people don’t like the idea of scheduling these encounters because they believe the act should be “spontaneous”, but that’s just not a practical idea when you have a lot on your plate and no significant time for spontaneous action. Sex doesn’t have to stop being fun just because you know when it’s happening, either. Pick a schedule that makes sense for your relationship and circumstance and anticipate it! Maybe send a cute text during the day, telling your partner that you’re looking forward to it. Have fun together! Don’t look at it as a chore, but rather a bright spot in your day or week to keep in mind.

Get enough sleep

Okay, this one might seem both impossible and not relevant, but it’s actually a vital aspect to maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner. When you sleep better, your sex life improves. And, vice versa, when you have a healthy sex life, you’re more likely to get quality sleep. Sex Therapist and author, Dr. Laurie Mintz, wrote in an article published on The Conversation: “It is now clear that a hidden cause of sex problems is sleeplessness and that a hidden cause of sleeplessness is sex problems.” So do your best to get a decent amount of quality sleep every night. This will help give you a strong foundation on which you can build a healthy relationship, in addition to boosting your mood.
 
Are you ready to reboot your relationship and reconnect with your partner? Follow some of Dr. David B. Younger’s tips featured in his eBook, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help!

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If you haven’t already read the book, it’s a great place to start - Relationship Reboot: Break free from the bad habits in your relationship.
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David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 14-year-old son, 5-year-old daughter and 7-year-old toy poodle.