Please enjoy the following guest post with advice for parents about surviving the turbulent teen years.
| Rita Miles is a mother of three and a freelance writer with expertise in families, parenting, family vacations and relocations. She has helped her numerous readers overcome parenting challenges and make parenthood a pleasant experience. |  |
We can agree that each stage of parenting has its ups and downs. The multiple night wakings and feedings, toddler tantrums, diaper changes, and back-to-school blues are now behind you. However, another drastic period that is about to happen is your child going through teenage years. You might be wondering about some of the following questions. Why does the teenage stage cause so much worry and trouble? Does it necessarily have to? Can you do something to understand your kids better? If you are, then good for you. It is always good practice to ask questions, research parenting resources, and be willing to learn. That's why we created a parent's guide to surviving the teen years to help you understand the significant change your children are going through. Enjoy reading!
What is meant by the "teenage years"?
Before we jump into the guide, it's essential to know the basics. The main question is: When do teen years start, and how long do they last? The truth is, everyone's different. However, typically, teenage years begin around the age of 13, and the period lasts through adolescence until 19 years of age.
Many changes will happen during these years. First of all, puberty brings many physical changes, such as menstrual periods, pubic hair, facial hair, and breasts. On the other hand, a young person going through these physical changes also has a lot going on on the inside.
That's why we must understand what they're going through, to show compassion and support to our children, even though they might seem rebellious and avoidant. This is even more true if your family is experiencing something out of the ordinary, such as moving houses or separation. In case of the former, make sure you plan everything out regarding the move. By doing so, you will ensure you are on top of your tasks, while not forgetting about your growing child. Although they are not kids anymore, they are not adults just yet and need our support more than ever.
So, without further ado, let's dive into the parent's guide to surviving teen years.
Many changes will happen during these years. First of all, puberty brings many physical changes, such as menstrual periods, pubic hair, facial hair, and breasts. On the other hand, a young person going through these physical changes also has a lot going on on the inside.
That's why we must understand what they're going through, to show compassion and support to our children, even though they might seem rebellious and avoidant. This is even more true if your family is experiencing something out of the ordinary, such as moving houses or separation. In case of the former, make sure you plan everything out regarding the move. By doing so, you will ensure you are on top of your tasks, while not forgetting about your growing child. Although they are not kids anymore, they are not adults just yet and need our support more than ever.
So, without further ado, let's dive into the parent's guide to surviving teen years.
While being 1-1 with your teenager, try listening more and lecturing less.
Get educated
Educating yourself won't only help you understand your teenager better, but it might bring out some new insights and open new perspectives. It also means you are working on your growth as a parent and as a person.
Use the advantage we have today with our smartphones and the Internet, and look up the problems teenagers face nowadays. Also, make sure you understand their biology. The rollercoaster of emotions they will experience doesn't mean they are spoiled, nor do their changed sleeping patterns mean they're lazy.
Use the advantage we have today with our smartphones and the Internet, and look up the problems teenagers face nowadays. Also, make sure you understand their biology. The rollercoaster of emotions they will experience doesn't mean they are spoiled, nor do their changed sleeping patterns mean they're lazy.
Knowing will help you in going through the teenage years better.
"Let them go"
However, we as parents are biologically driven to take care of and protect our children. But, the period of adolescence is there to allow our child to grow and separate from us.
Scientists agree that this situation is more straightforward for them since they are, again, biologically programmed to separate from us. So, even though you might be sad (especially moms) that you will no longer have a cuddly child to wrap your arms around, this isn't the end. Embrace the new phase in their life and your relationship. Additionally, by understanding the change, you will know that they still need you, even though they might think they don't.
Scientists agree that this situation is more straightforward for them since they are, again, biologically programmed to separate from us. So, even though you might be sad (especially moms) that you will no longer have a cuddly child to wrap your arms around, this isn't the end. Embrace the new phase in their life and your relationship. Additionally, by understanding the change, you will know that they still need you, even though they might think they don't.
Try seeing things from their perspective
Showing empathy goes a long way almost every time. When something your child does isn't in line with your beliefs or likings, try stepping into their shoes. It would be even better to go back and remember the struggles you had and even the support you needed but probably didn't get.
This kind of empathy will show your kid they can come to you for anything without feeling judged or misunderstood.
This kind of empathy will show your kid they can come to you for anything without feeling judged or misunderstood.
This is when your child is trying to find their individuality, which means they might be rebellious against your set norms.
Have regular conversations (even the unpleasant ones)
The way you communicate will change, which is normal. It's your responsibility not to take their avoidance too personally. For our parent's guide to surviving the teen years, we consulted experts. They agreed it's essential to try and understand this new way of using language with your teens and be open to any conversation.
Also, don't forget to include your adolescent in everything you usually do as a family. Don't feel disappointed or hurt when they reject you, and enjoy the times they do want to spend together. It is important to still do activities together and for them to have responsibilities.
Also, don't forget to include your adolescent in everything you usually do as a family. Don't feel disappointed or hurt when they reject you, and enjoy the times they do want to spend together. It is important to still do activities together and for them to have responsibilities.
Don't cut off gaming
Video games are a big part of growing up. If you are a millennial parent, they might've been a big part of your life too. Therefore, it would be good to make gaming a family-friendly activity. This way, you will avoid your child playing video games too much on their own solely in their room. If they don't want to join you, you can set limits by discussing how many hours are appropriate to play, what kind of games, etc.
Any parent's guide to surviving the teen years will tell you not to cut off gaming completely.
Establish virtual boundaries too
Just as in real life, your teenagers need some set boundaries on their social media too. For this aspect of life, it's better to develop mutual trust. Then once everyone feels free to talk about the good and the bad, it will be easier to encourage and negotiate healthy behaviors.
Also, it is your responsibility to help them see that not all life is online. So make sure you set a good example.
Also, it is your responsibility to help them see that not all life is online. So make sure you set a good example.
Don't neglect their mental health
Early adolescence is also a period when common mental problems appear, such as depression.
It's crucial to try and help them and not judge them. But, unfortunately, most cases end up with parents telling their children they should be happy because they have so much more than they used to when they were kids.
With this being said, you can see it isn't productive or helpful in any way since materialistic things don't make you happy. If you notice severe psychological changes in your teenage child, consider contacting a professional to help them.
It's crucial to try and help them and not judge them. But, unfortunately, most cases end up with parents telling their children they should be happy because they have so much more than they used to when they were kids.
With this being said, you can see it isn't productive or helpful in any way since materialistic things don't make you happy. If you notice severe psychological changes in your teenage child, consider contacting a professional to help them.
Respect their privacy
It is essential to monitor your child's online activities. But, on the other hand, it is as important to respect their privacy. So keep in mind that closely following what they do online or reading their online conversations is a complete no-no.
Your child will know to respect you having a limit with your monitoring.
Know your role
This is primarily a period of significant change for your growing child. However, your role as parents and your relationship is of great importance. Nurture your spouse, act together, and approach your family problems as a unity. Don't turn yourselves against your teenager. Instead, work on your relationship to set your kids a good example and make them feel safe and accepted.
The takeaway from the parent's guide to surviving the teen years
It's true; teenagers can be hard work. Unfortunately, due to the rushed lives we lead, it's easy to neglect your adolescent's needs. Especially during a global pandemic, many of us had to move houses with our kids and face everyone in the family with such a meaningful change. Therefore, we would like you to remember that you should and can spare some time to get to know more about how your teenager feels and reconnect with them, especially if you've experienced another significant life change. We hope our parent's guide to surviving the teen years helps you along the way!
If you haven’t already read the book, it’s a great place to start - Relationship Reboot: Break free from the bad habits in your relationship.
David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 17-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter and 9-year-old toy poodle.
David B. Younger, Ph.D. is the creator of Love After Kids, for couples that have grown apart since having children. He is a clinical psychologist and couples therapist with a web-based private practice and lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, 17-year-old son, 7-year-old daughter and 9-year-old toy poodle.
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